


From Love to Ashes

by Twykad



Series: Angsty shots [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: ? - Freeform, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Asexual Character, Asexual Raphael, Asexual Raphael Santiago, Demiromantic Raphael, Drabble, Flash Fiction, Heartbreak, Hurt No Comfort, I went into a poetic mood though, I'm Sorry, M/M, Please like it, Raphael-centric, Short Story, don't hate me, sad raphael, seriously though Raphael is Ace and so I am, sudden fiction, this is sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-09
Updated: 2016-11-09
Packaged: 2018-08-30 01:57:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8514265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Twykad/pseuds/Twykad
Summary: After Simon left the Hotel Dumort, Raphael thinks about his life and feelings





	

**Author's Note:**

> Sad story I knoooow  
> But I needed to let my pain out of my body  
> Sorry...  
> -kinda- Ambigous ending though? :D

Never before Raphael had believed in love; never had he understand that such an attachment to someone was possible. He had lived for seventy years and yet, never before he had been in love. And he was okay with it; it was the best way to be, the best way not to suffer. He remembered how Magnus was still suffering because of Camille when he had taken him with him. He remembered the pain on his friend’s face when he had had to bring the young vampire to her. That wasn’t something Raphael had ever wanted to feel. The longing, the affection and everything wasn’t something he had ever felt before or ever want to feel. But that was before Simon entered his life. Stupid, stupid _nerdy mundane_. Kidnapping him was maybe Raphael’s _biggest_ mistake. He wouldn’t be a vampire now if it wasn’t for him. He couldn’t even figure when he had fall for the boy. Was it when he was still unconscious? Or maybe when he was just rambling non-stop? Raphael hated when people rambled, it was annoying. But somehow, when Simon did it, he found it cute, almost adorable. Or maybe was it when Simon went to live in the Hotel Dumort? With all his stupid ideas to keep his life “has normal has possible” as he transformed movie nights into movie days, dragging Raphael to watch with him. And the oldest vampire had to admit he had grown to love these movie times, watching Simon saying all the lines before the characters, or getting really excited in his favourite moments. Maybe it was the time he had realised his feeling and maybe he had fallen in love a bit sooner.

 

_But all of this didn’t matter anymore anyway._

 

He hadn’t had the bravery to tell his feelings; the young vampire was so _obviously_ into these two shadowhunters girls for him to dare. He regretted it somehow; maybe it would have change something. A rejection would have felt better than what he felt right now. Maybe they could have been friends and maybe Simon wouldn’t have done what he did. The young vampire had told him they were friends once but that just wasn’t true. A friend wouldn’t have done this. Stupid _traitor_.

 

_Love wasn’t made for Raphael anyway, was it?_

 

When he opened his curtains, it was still dark outside. He felt stupid for not living his room that night. He started feeling hungry, but the need of blood reminded him of Simon disgusted face after the first time he had had to drink blood, and how hard it had been to get use to it. All the different presentations Raphael had had to find to make him drink and that was enough for making Raphael _sick_. Everything reminded him of Simon and it hurt way too much. It was _ridiculous_ how much it hurt.

 

_And never had he wanted to be a vampire either._

 

He closed his eyes an instant, painfully. Now Simon was gone, and he won’t come back. Raphael had kicked him out, and ordered for him and his friends to be killed. Simon must hate him now, or worse, thinks that Raphael hates him. And Raphael wished he did. But he couldn’t bring himself to that. He just loved him too much. His life never had had many senses before, he was just here, more or less living and Simon had brought back something he had missed in his life, just as this stupid black-haired nephilim had with Magnus. Some joy, something unique, and now it was gone and Raphael didn’t know if he could bear living without it now. Probably not; what was the point?

 

_How long had it been since he had seen the sun rise?_

The bedroom was quieter than it had ever been. Sun was rising slowly, almost lazy on the cold morning of winter. The wind was blowing gently and the usually closed dark red curtains were gracefully wavering. It was a very simple piece, and everything was velvet and red wine. Raphael had always loved to keep the things simple yet classy. The bed was the only extravagant thing there, it was old and the wood it was made of was beautifully and delicately carved, how many time Raphael had fantasised about the day he will sleep in it, Simon curled against him? But the room was empty now, and the shy rays of sun were filtered through the open window, revealing dancing ashes and dust in their light.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos (and comments) are appreciated <3


End file.
